To my dear juniors in TJCO:
It's only 3 days to SYF. Why am i reminding u all...haha...i reckon all (or MOST) of u must be so nervous. I remember how i was like the day before syf '07...after the practice, i told everyone that if tjco gets gwh, i'm so gonna cry...those were the good old days indeed...but after the results were announced, i didn't shed a single drop of tear...sigh...now when i recall the tough and discouraging times we had then...really cried. it meant so little to some of us.
"wahse, how u all get gwh de?!"
"dunno leh. just anyhow hantam one choice piece. go for a few practices. then play on stage and get lor. it's nothing lah, really."
the truth is always so unbearable. the coldness and the cruelty. so much to be said, so little is spoken. after we played the 2 pieces on stage, i walked towards the exit, following everyone else. in my mind, there was nothing but "nevermind nevermind." that was how i tried to encourage myself. why nevermind? because if we get gold, also nevermind; at least standard didn't drop. that was wat we kept thinking.
"sigh sigh sigh. why like that?"
"like wat?!"
"like that lor. sigh."
how curious it is. we are humans. we want perfection. especially so much time and effort is being put into something. u know wat? i see the gwh, i can feel it. it's only this tiny little bit of some undefineable 'thing' that separates the gold from the gwh. I often wonder that it is. luck, some ppl say. I was seated down beside junhong in the horribly tensed concert hall. everyone was talking and running around. gossips and predictments. how little they meant. at least to me. wat others think of us.
"hcjc confirm get de. tj i dunno. maybe."
"that's all? how abt rj, vj and nj? I heard they are not bad also..."
silence. how ironic. it was SO noisy. my head could have just exploded. why can't they just announce the results immediately after we performed. save us from all this waiting shit and agony. then again, history repeats itself so often (with the help of technology) - Temasek Junior College, Gold with Honours. I am very proud to say...to say something stupid. I, harry pan, was the first to react to that statement. meaning to say, at the 'with' i already rose to my feet, hands in the air (very much like a disturbed chimp) and yelling "YE..." the rest was drowned by my fellow mates that were spread all over, resulting in an excellent stereo effect.
earlier in the day. morning. i was so tired. couldn't sleep lah!! what else. dun tell me u won't, because u WILL. hahahaha~~ our dear conductor was nowhere to be found. late!! ("erm can give us a bit more time? our conductor still on his way here...") 5th school on stage. can imagine how early we had to be there. now is 3rd. good luck man. when he came...i expected it. we merely played a few important exerpts...then suddenly, i was staring at the screen...tpjc...but i couldn't hear anything much. i sighed again, dunno for wat.
"is my qin tuned?"
"is my hair messy?"
"aiyo, now still care abt your hair?!!"
"just tell me!!"
"no lah! very nice lah, okay?"
"shit! it SHOULD be messy!!"
several MAJOR mistakes were made by me. i followed the cellos!! must be bixia and grace...lured me into following their footsteps when i ought to have made a left turn and followed the huqins. SHIT was the only word i uttered. i turned around. behind me: xianhui. her eyes were huge. i kept walking. nevermind again. just give a vacant expression. act cool. act professional. tjco is here to scare everyone. seated. xuefang in front of me. ok, everything in order. announcement. blah blah...i knew he couldn't read TA KE LA MA GAN properly.
"gold...*clap clap*...silver...gold...$*&^%(*&^$W(*...gold with hon- *$#&%$()&W$...blah blah" like i care.
"laoshi, wo men na gold with honours."
"eh, ask everyone to gather at level one. huang sheng wants to talk to us."
"say T! SAY T! say TJ!! SAY TJ!!" etc etc etc...i was the one who started the cheers...hehehe...
wth!! i was angry. why are they looking at us?! wat's wrong. acjc, vjc...hmm...the judges yes, of course...lucky can get to watch many schools later...so many things to think abt. yawn...so tired...hair messy, shoes must be damn bright. my first and only gold with honours. concert coming. i want a good end. oh yeah, huang sheng spent $500 on us. Xin Wang!! maybe it's just me. why am i so concerned. wait, am i concerned? dunno...it's my school, my pdp, my life. aiya. crap the passion. i have a life other than co.
"wat school is this?"
"temasek jc."
"what's the orchestra strength?"
"58. plus conductor 59."
"ok. come, this way in..."
the singapore flyer. the whining. WHY WHY WHY. why need so much explanation. my memory is cleaned. hahaha...hey, i think...i think!! wat i wanna hear on wednesday is...
"Temasek Junior College, RONG --- *(Q#&%()*^W$*(%$&)(W$*&%($)*%&W$()!!!!!!!!" ok this is gonna take like...half a minute at least. but please do try to make it longer. more importantly, MAKE it happen. my voice is there...desiring to yell and cheer. ppl out there are waiting, watching, talking. but we can't care more. Personally, as a senior, I believe we dun have to be the best, but i wanna see YOUR BEST.
Tahan all the way!! Can or not??!!
I'm not here. Don't look. Seniors will be there to support YOU!!
pipa. scores. handphone. packet drink. sleep. typical co practice.
66 of us (inclusive of huangsheng) has walked through all the sufferings & funny moments together. We, have finally reach the last lap of our race. It doesn't matter if at this point, we're ahead of others, or lagging behind, because anything can change in the final lap. I believe we have the potential to emerge, to emerge as the top orchestra, to emerge as the orchestra with the highest spirit. So let us do it again, let the dream come through. Let us remember this moment of pride and joy.
